Communication is art. Having a daily conversation with your child is different. Good communication involves listening and talking which makes a child feel important and valued.
Active listening is key to good communication. We have heard this quote many times; but do we use it in our daily life? Tokyo International School believes listening is not only about hearing carefully, it's also about trying to understand what’s behind those words.
Understanding your child’s need to communicate especially when they need you to tune in and listen more deeply is essential.
Most of the time children do not convey their feelings but they want you to probe into their inner life and understand what they are thinking and feeling. This art of understanding emotion is the best tip to improve communication and strengthen your relationship with them knowing that you took the time and energy to really care.
Staying mindful or thinking before speaking is important to avoid lots of communication problems.
For eg:-If you are upset and lash out badly, it can cause huge damage to the relationship. Have proper communication by asking to excuse you, if you are upset or if you lash out unintentionally, and making an apology with explanations or justifications will help you to repair the damage.
So it is always advisable to think before you speak in order to avoid hurting your child’s feelings and causing irreparable damage in the first place.
Here is how you should do it; ask the following questions to yourself before saying something:-
● What is the purpose of your communication?
● What do you want to accomplish with your words or actions?
● Is the comment or communication you are doing related to something you are responsible for or is due to involvement or your partnership in it with others? Is it necessary?
● Does it require discussion or do you have to mind your business?
You must have heard this famous quote many times, “Before you speak, ask yourself 3 things; Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?
This will help to improve your communication and relationship with your child.
Note:-
● Remember if you feel discomfort or are too busy to say things to your child then you are being unkind to them. Communicate and sort it then and there.
● Use “I” wherever it is necessary to take responsibility for your own feelings.
● Convey the behaviour issues you are concerned about specifically.
● Never use attacking terms; always make a specific, respectful statement.
● Learning and practising the ‘Boundary Bridge’ method is the best tip to avoid communication breakdown and helps in strengthening relationships.
It is not recommended to communicate in a rush. Take time to communicate as it will help to sort things. Upsetting communications delivered on the run can lead to misunderstanding or can backfire.
● Choosing the right time to communicate makes your communication effective.
● Do not communicate important things during poor timing such as driving, trying to rest after a long day, or having lunch/dinner.
● Important communications should be delivered sooner by taking time and keeping aside your other things for the time being.
● Unaddressed problems for a long time can cause major damage if it is not dealt with at the right time.
● The biggest mistake parents do is discuss things with others rather than addressing them directly with their children.
● Choose a calm, private place to communicate without distractions.
● Communicate in person as it makes a difference, choose a phone/video only when it's not possible.
● Do not communicate by email or text.
● The best thing is to anticipate potential areas of disagreement and make a plan accordingly as to what to communicate as it will help you to prevent many conflicts.
Every person is unique and so their perspectives will be different. Showing respect for your child’s point of view is essential as it helps to figure out a solution but it does not mean that you are agreeing with it. Respecting others’ points of view also helps others to consider your perspective.
1. Listen carefully when your child needs to talk and give them your full attention.
2. Make eye contact, and be at the child’s level so that they can talk to you comfortably.
3. Observe them, their words, and body language and if you notice something, attend to that feeling.
4. Resist the urge to correct and gather more information i.e. hear them carefully and respond later.
5. Ask questions to clarify things in order to avoid misunderstanding.
6. Make sure to think from your child’s point of view before reacting.
7. Avoid shaming your child; it lowers their confidence. Instead, make them understand things in a supportive and encouraging way.
8. During disagreements, encourage your child to think proactively and bring up a reasonable approach to solve the problem.
9. Talk to your child as a friend. Montessori School teachers talk to children as their friends which helps them to mix easily.
10. Do not give instructions, instead have a two-sided conversation.
11. Encouraging children to open up and convey what they’re feeling and thinking.
12. Listening and responding in a kind way to all good and bad things.
13. Set aside a time in the day to talk regularly.
14. Turn off phones, computers and televisions and engage in conversation fully.
15. Be open to talking about various subjects or different feelings such as anger, joy, frustration etc.
16. Do not communicate when you are angry.
17. Involve your child in conversations by asking them their feedback, opinions etc.
18. Accepting your child does not mean you have to accept their all behaviours. You just have to communicate in a way that doesn't discourage them and use kind words to change their behaviour.
19. Be a good role model for children so that they learn the art of communication, listening, understanding and respecting others from you.
20. Make Use of “door opener" statements such as “How about that!", “Really?", “Tell me more.", “That's interesting." such statements encourage children to open up and share more.
21. Use your words gently and use more “dos" than “don'ts" For eg:- Instead of using “Don't go outside” say “Stay inside please.”
As per research, responsive communication from birth helps babies and children feel safe and secure. It strengthens a child’s bond with their parents. To have good overall development, children need safety, security and strong relationships and therefore parents should make an effort from birth to have effective communication.
Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship and it helps to provide a healthy, safe, secure environment at home where they can thrive and grow. Using the mentioned communication approach will help to strengthen your bond with your child.
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How is Japanese Kindergarten curriculum unique?
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How do International Montessori Schools in Tokyo spark a child’s creativity?
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Ms. Ranido is the PYP coordinator and the GMP coordinator for GIIS East Coast Campus. She has over 20 years of teaching experience in different international and bilingual schools in Southeast Asia. She spent the last 11 years leading the implementation of the IB Primary Years Programme (PYP) as a coordinator and teacher. She completed her Masters of Arts in Education from Sheffield Hallam University, UK in 2015. Ms. Ranido joined the Global Indian International School, EC Campus in July, 2019.